Mr. Bill Gates..The Best salesman eva! or The Gates n Windows Theory!!

Destiny over Design!!

Mr. Bill Gates as everyone knows is the richest guy on planet earth thanks to his excellent salesmanship. Apart from that the fact remains that he is a self made first generation richest man, must say....commendable! Eva spared a thought as to how hez managed to soar such great heights despite stern competition from all sides.

Hez seen cribbin at every public appearance of his bot the eva risin piracy levels...as if piracy is a concern for him.Sure is for most of the software developers or for tht matter ny type of developer! But aint so for this man, and prolly he too understands that.Lemme explain...

Bill Gates' primary product is the operating system that his company develops...The Microsoft Windows Series. There are several other options available in the market like the Unix,Linux,Solaris,Mac OS and so on.And most of the other operating systems are cheaper than the Windows including a select few versions of Linux which are free too. Its got the biggest drawback of easily getting infected with the various varieties of menace like viruses, trojans and spy wares thanks to the easily exploitable loopholes in its coding. In fact the probability of gettin infected is so high that the official Microsoft website itself claims that in the absence of an anti virus and a firewall an average Windows based system will get infected in 13 minutes flat!! So first u get infected and ur sys conks down and then u install an anti virus which further hogs on ur sys resources almost killin it! Contrast this to its nearest competitor-Linux! Linux had only five types of major viruses documented and as of today has succesfully eradicated them all.Its a virus immune OS. These are jus a few of the concerns over usin the Microsoft Windows.But stil people are hell bent on usin the dreaded windows wid all its drawbacks.

Ask them if they would like to switch to another operating system.Most of these loyalites wud say a big NO. Not even if these operating systems were provided for FREE. Ask them why and they are quick to reply back sayin that the oder operatin systems aint as user friendly as the Windows. Please note here tht most of these people givin the above response dont even kno the names of alternative operating systems available in the market , leave alone havin tried their hands at it! Its a fact tht Windows was the first to launch the GUI( Graphic User Interface) until when even microsoft used to run command line based operating systems(remember DOS??) .And then Windows 3.1 was launched, which changed the way ppl computed! Other companies were a lil slow n tuk sum time to launch their GUI versions and must say tht the initial version sucked! This is where Microsoft built up a reputation for itself as the then safest and easy to learn OS. I also wudnt hav minded buyin a Windows version at a premium for al the eye candy tht windows wud then provide. But tht was then n today all the oder companies hav come up with user interfaces much easier to use and even more powerful systems. So, now is the time people can actively move on to much better, reliable and sturdier operatin systems, in the very first place if they eva wanted to!!

Untill this time windows dint hav a difficult job floatin high in the IT market cos it did so on its merit. But the story changed and companies started buckin up to produce products as gud as microsoft.Most economists wud agree that sustainin a major market share is as difficult a job as attainin one in the first place.Although wid Mr. Bill Gates on the managing board it neva seemed so difficult! What this chap does here on is tricky. Think a lil n temme, is it a very very difficult task for the person developin the entire operatin system to implement a small piece of code to check if the operatin system itself is authentic or not? Def not!! Then y wudnt he do so? Thats the question this whole blogz about. He allows piracy at the grass roots level. i.e. the domestic users. Now when ur daddy wud learn usin a computer on a windows based system, he def wud use the same in his office also, and so wud u do after several years when u join office. He def wudnt take the pain to learn operating a new operating system when his company is ready to pay for the OS which he already knows. Microsoft makes enuf revenue out of its corporate customers to sustain itself. So it really doesn mind allowin its domestic clients usin illegal/pirated copies of its windows cos he realises ki tht is the reason his corporate customers buy his product. The day he starts nailin down the domestic clients they wud obviously switch to free versions takin those extra efforts to learn newer operating systems. N when employees would hav the knowledge of workin on a free OS, y wud a company shell out tht extra premium for Windows?? So our Billu wud neva let this happen in the very first place!This is how microsoft attained and then maintained its position thru all these years.

So Mr. Bill Gates had by now achieved a market monopoly.This helps explain further part of the story.All this was only till the oder operating systems caught up. But how did he cope wid the mounting pressure when operating systems like Suse, Fedora and Ubuntu managed to outsmart the windows?Programs and applications would be generically developed for different operating systems until windows tuk over the market. But a programmer aint a dumbass to waste his time n resources developin code for a percentage of people who wud use his app when the operating system itself retails at a percentage of what windows wud! So here on seein their personal profit and more so logically , most of the developers started developing products which wud primarily run only on windows. Cos they knew tht there aint any profit outta developin code for market shares existin in second order decimals like 0.01%. Thats the saddest part and half the battle won for Mr. Gates. Here Linux bein an open source code OS found support among all the free lancers and slowly started posin a big threat to the gates and the windows!

So today even after several other operatin systems offering much betta features, be it interface or the data security, windows still maintains a market monopoly as seen below(Bar diagram). Even after all this realisation I myself still use Microsoft Windows Xp, reason?? With major developers all launching their products for windows based operating systems, its a difficult task to find a similar form of tech support and wide range of apps being developed for any oder op sys. Microsoft has the kinda loyalty and support for its brand that leaves a third party programmer no oder option but to program for windows or to starve to death codin for any oder OS.

This explains y our own Billu makes so mucha money despite sum serious competition. N who d heck cares to learn nythin new as long as the stuff at ur home is free and the one at ur workplace is sponsored by ur company,neither do I , Njoi!!

My Version of Amish Technology....that is, if they eva used it!

Search for the word "Amish" on wikipedia and you will realise that this is a community of people with a popualtion of little over 2,00,000.These ppl are distinguished due to the fact that they detest using any form of technology, be it computers, automobile, telephone or plain simple even electricity! Their dressin styles n lifestyles are also very simple. Let me clarify,they dont hav any issues using the latest technology or technology for tht matter but, they believe usin technology makes them rely on the outside world. And they wanna be independent!Here I failed to understand how do these people manage to survive in today's world where technology forms the backbone of everything and is the essence of life for many..includin me! ;)

I tried imaginin how they would carry out all their daily chores and bear with life without the use of technology.What then occured to me is that they ought to hav sum alternative to everythin tht we use.For eg: Refrigerator: we use an electric compressor based refrigerator, they use(wiki says...) kerosene based refrigerator!And then the next thing i was thinknin of was a computer, so i spent ma last vactions spyin into the AMISH TECHNOLOGY RESOURCE CENTRE located in a remote underground bunker in Pennsylvania...What i found is this and here are ma findings brought out to you directly...

The First Working Amish Lappy!!

Now for all the unlucky ppl out thr, not lucky enuf to witnes the tech wonder urself,allow me...This aint a computer exactly, but a state-of-the-art ABACUS conformin to the AMISH laws n principles..

Features:

• 3.44Hz CPU
• 13*6 Bead Resolution
• 78 RAB (Random Access Bead) Memory
• Wooden Cabinet
• Chalk and Slate Based input
• Holders for Chalk,Slate and Stylus
• Chicken Power Supply
• Built in Modem

FAQs:

Q:What kind of power source does the Lappy use?

A:The Laptop doesn't really need power...it is just a series of beads controlled by a pulley system, that when arranged in certain patterns can be translated into words or HTML tags. The only source of power needed to run the Laptop's pulley system comes from a rather small chicken attached to the Laptop by means of a rope.

Q:Considering my interest in Mr. Bill Gates' range o products...is the laptop windows compatible?

A:Nopes..It uses the indigeniously developed Operating System called the BOS (Bead operating System) designed and developed by the renowned Amish carpenter well known for building windows:Jebadiah Monroe Gates (portrait alongside) who is a distant cousin of our favourite Mr. Bill Gates. When questioned about this idea of developin a laptop Jebadiah was quick to reply back, "After seein the fellow "English" browsin around on the internet spreadin porn and sin, I had to do sumthin to promote the gud Amish values on the internet!"

Q:Ok..But isnt the use of Laptop a violation of ur principles..as in no tech to be used?

A:Yes it is..But the amish hav decided that the laptop is by no means a technology!

Q:As earlier specified, this laptop features an in built modem, but how do u connect to the net without a telephone conn?

A:aah that....The Amish use a patent technology called the "String and Can modem".The modem consists of a tin can connected to the back of an abacus and a waxed string runnin to the nearest telephone poll where there is anoder tin can! Vibrations caused by the can,string and pole resonate to particular frequencies that can actually trigger the modems.The modem works at a blazin speed of 2.4BPS (Beads per second)!!

Q:How Fast did u say is the amish laptop?

A:We benchmarked the Laptop as having a CPU(Chicken Pulley Unit) of 3.44Hz

Q:What oder technological innovations are the Amish working on?

A:Well, the laptop was designed for personal access to the Internet, but we have learned that the Amish have developed a much larger computer (possibly as a Web Server?).

And finally we also hear that they are working on electricity substitutes involving kites, Strings and lightning bolts..Details ar e sketchy but we were also told that since lightning is provided by GOD it is OK to use it.Another research group working in collaboration with our very own Indian scientists from BARC are reportedly trying to tap static electricity by means of rubbing sheep on carpets and balloons, but this may just be a rumour!:P

P.S.: This is a direct result of four years of engg at the prestigious Mumbai University! This is the scale on which we wrap up things in the vivas. I bet all ma fellow MU engineers wud def relate to this... full on fekum feki... :)

Disclaimer: This article/Blog has been written purely for fun sake and is intended for the same.No intentions whatsoeva to ridicule anyone or to hurt their sentiments.All parts of the above content be taken in a rightful sense and i am not answerable to anyone regardin this blog following this disclaimer.

The Travails of Single South Indian men of conservative upbringing" or "Why we don't get any..."

Yet another action packed weekend in Mumbai, full of fun, frolic and introspection. I have learnt many things. For example having money when none of your friends have any is as good as not having any. And after spending much time in movie theatres, cafes and restaurants I have gathered many insights into the endless monotony that is the love life of south Indian men. What I have unearthed is most disheartening. Disheartening because comprehension of these truths will not change our status anytime soon. However there is also cause for joy. We never stood a chance anyway. What loads the dice against virile, gallant, well educated, good looking, sincere mallus and tams? (Kandus were once among us, but Bangalore has changed all that.)

Our futures are shot to hell as soon as our parents bestow upon us names that are anything but alluring. I cannot imagine a more foolproof way of making sure the child remains single till classified advertisements or that maternal uncle in San Francisco thinks otherwise. Name him "Parthasarathy Venkatachalapthy" and his inherent capability to combat celibacy is obliterated before he could even talk. He will grow to be known as Partha. Before he knows, his smart, seductively named northy classmates start calling him Paratha. No woman in their right minds will go anyway near poor Parthasarathy. His investment banking job doesn't help either. His employer loves him though. He has no personal life you see. By this time the Sanjay Singhs and Bobby Khans from his class have small businesses of their own and spend 60% of their lives in discos and pubs. The remaining 40% is spent coochicooing with leather and denim clad muses in their penthouse flats on Nepean Sea Road. Business is safely in the hands of the Mallu manager. After all with a name like Blossom Babykutty he cant use his 30000 salary anywhere. Blossom gave up on society when in school they automatically enrolled him for Cookery Classes. Along with all the girls.

Yes my dear reader, nomenclature is the first nail in a coffin of neglect and hormonal pandemonium. In a kinder world they would just name the poor southern male child and throw him off the balcony. "Yes appa we have named him Goundamani..." THUD. Life would have been less kinder to him anyway.

If all the women the Upadhyays, Kumars, Pintos and, god forbid, the Sens and Roys in the world have met were distributed amongst the Arunkumars, Vadukuts and Chandramogans we would all be merry casanovas with 3 to 4 pretty things at each arm. But alas it is not to be. Of course the south Indian women have no such issues. They have names which are like sweet poetry to the ravenous northie hormone tanks. Picture this: "Welcome, and this is my family. This is my daughter Poorni (what a sweet name!!) and my son Ponnalagusamy (er.. hello..).." Cyanide would not be fast enough for poor Samy. Nothing Samy does will help him. He can pump iron, drive fast cars and wear snazzy clothes, but against a braindead dude called Arjun Singhania he has as much chance of getting any as a Benedictine Monk in a Saharan Seminary.

Couple this with the other failures that have plagued our existence. Any attempt at spiking hair with gel fails miserably. In an hour I have a crown of greasy, smelly fibrous mush. My night ends there. However the northy just has to scream "Wakaw!!!" and you have to peel the women off him to let him breathe. In a disco while we can manage the medium hip shake with neck curls, once the Bhangra starts pumping we are as fluid as cement and gravel in a mixer. Karan Kapoor or Jatin Thapar in the low cut jeans with chaddi strap showing and see through shirt throws his elbows perfectly, the cynosure of all attention. The women love a man who digs pasta and fondue. But why do they not see the simple pleasures of curd rice and coconut chutney? When poor Senthilnathan opens his tiffin box in the office lunch room his female coworkers just dissappear when they see the tamarind rice and poppadums. The have all rematerialised around Bobby Singh who has ordered in Pizza and Garlic bread. (And they have the gall to talk of foreign origin.)

How can a man like me brought up in roomy lungis and oversized polyester shirts ever walk the walk in painted on jeans (that makes a big impression) and neon yellow rib hugging t shirts? All I can do is don my worn "comfort fit" jeans and floral shirt. Which is pretty low on the "Look at me lady" scale, just above fig leaf skirt and feather headgear a la caveman, and a mite below Khakhi Shirt over a red t shirt and baggy khakhi pants and white trainers a la Rajni in "Badsha".

Sociologically too the tam or mallu man is severely sidelined. An average tam stud stays in a house with, on average, three grandparents, three sets of uncles and aunts, and over 10 children. Not the ideal atmosphere for some intimacy and some full throated "WHOSE YOUR DADDY!!!" at the 3 in the morning. The mallu guy of course is almost always in the gulf working alone on some onshore oil rig in the desert. Rheumatic elbows me thinks.

Alas dear friends we are not just meant to set the nights on fire. We are just not built to be "The Ladies Man". The black man has hip hop, the white man has rock, the southie guy only has idlis and tomato rasam or an NRI account in South Indian Bank Ernakulam Branch. Alas as our destiny was determined in one fell swoop by our nomenclature, so will our future be. A nice arranged little love story. But the agony of course does not end there. On the first night, as the stud sits on his bed finally within touching distance and whispers his sweet desires into her delectable ear, she blushes, turns around and whispers back "But amma has said only on second saturdays..."

In one last effort here we attractive young men have taken on alter egos which may interest some of you women:

1. Gautam Kumar Raja, will now be known as Joshua Perreira
2. Sidin Sunny Vadukut, henceforth will be known as Dev Chopra
3. Ashwath Venkataraman is now Vijay Desai
4. Sudarshan Ramakrishnan no more, from now he is Barath Sharma
5. Gautam Chandrasekharan will now respond to Alyque Shah

Do mail me any time for a meeting with one of the above. One week notice if Italian or Chinese food is involved, or if the individual is expected to dance.

Disclaimer:This aint ma original work!one of ma fav reads though... :)